The Hunt For The Perfect Swimsuit & Fighting Summer Anxiety

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but I hate summer. Yes, you read that right. Every year, right about this time, I get what I like to call summer anxiety. I don’t like to show my body, sweat, or sit in the sun. I much rather have it be cold, sweater-weather all year round. I know, I’m crazy.

But despite my anxiousness, I can’t stop summer from coming. I also could not put off buying a new bathing suit any longer. Our pool is finally open, vacation is soon, and my butt would not fit into the size small bottoms that I’ve been rocking since college ended two years ago. No shame — thighs happen.

Although I’m perfectly content with the fact that I went from a small to a medium, that doesn’t mean that swimsuit shopping is fun for me. Normally, I get together with a friend, we gather almost every single suit we can from Target, and drag them into the fitting room. This year, I had much more anxiety about it, so I spur of the moment decided to buy one while I was out with my mom.

If you were to tell me a week ago that I would be posting a picture of me in a bathing suit on my blog, I would laugh in your face. Because when I stepped into this fitting room, I didn’t even want to show my mom.

I had found the perfect suit. Navy blue and white stripes, sport fit, cheeky bottoms. It was exactly what I had pictured in my mind for this year’s choice. Honestly, I was actually excited to try this one. Then, as soon as it was on, I felt ashamed.

Why hadn’t I worked out harder? Ate better? Not gone out to the bar the other night? I’m not proud of these thoughts, but I will admit that they were in my head.

But this is real. This is me, and I am proud to be who I am — thighs and all! I wiped those thoughts out of my head, sent a pic to my boyfriend [who praised me like I was a size two model, bless his heart], and stepped out to show my mom, who ended up loving it too.

I’m not perfect. I have curves and lumps and things that I need to work on, but I refuse to let it make me feel ashamed anymore. I genuinely love who I am. I worked hard to be where I am in life, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

I know I’m not the only woman who steps into a changing room and feels negativity and doubt set in. But I want you to know that you are beautiful — no matter what the magazines tell you. You are enough, and you should rock that bathing suit that you’ve been eyeing up.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that I will stop working on myself. I have non-scale goals that I’d like to meet this summer like finishing a 5K and squatting 100 pounds. But that is so that I can see what my body can do. Not to look a certain way.

I’m sure this won’t be the last time you hear about my summer anxiety, but I’m going to try my best to beat it with positivity. I’m always preaching about self-love, and it’s about time that I take my own advice.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had summer anxiety? Do you like my suit? Let’s talk all about it in the comment section!

xx.

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60 Comments

  1. Jade Mayhead

    The swimsuit looks great on you! I feel exactly the same, I hate summer and haven’t bought one for about 3 years now, I don’t think I will be able to avoid it this year!😩

  2. | a s h |

    You look absolutely adorable in that! Believe me girl you’re rocking it with all your natural beauty! Embrace yourself and keep bearing that anxiety with positivity!!
    You’re going strong so far. Don’t let the world change you 😉👍👍👍

  3. starringpamela

    That swimsuit totally suits you!!! You look amazing! I am also a colder weather kinda person. I love swimming but if it’s hot and I’m sweating with no pool or beach in sight, I’m not so happy haha.

  4. stylegeekandnaturefreak

    I feel you on this one. I went swim suit shopping the other day and it put me in such a bad place. I’ve gained 10 lbs since last summer and it’s something im struggling with coming to terms with. But I’m going again today and will be trying to keep a positive outlook and focus more on suits that make me feel good and confident. I have a waterpark event this week so fingers crossed tonight’s shopping goes well! Your mindset is goals right now. It’s so easy to get caught up in aesthetic and not focus enough on the fun you’re going to have or have had. Our bodies work too hard for us to hate on them so much.

    1. Kali Borovic

      The last line of this gave me the chills! You are so right, girl. It’s so easy to get caught up in the world around us and what it wants us to think. The best thing you can do is find something that you’re comfortable in. Because, at the end of the day, that’s all that matters! Good luck shopping, and let me know how it goes! xx.

    1. Kali Borovic

      You are so sweet, Kasia! Honestly, I have never thought of myself as confident before, but this compliment has me thinking that maybe I am! Thanks so much for stopping by and spreading the love xx.

  5. Sofia

    it looks great on you! summer is already ending here but I never went on a beach because I am shy. My brother and his girlfriend ask me if I want to join them and I said no because I’m not confident with my body. I need to stay positive and love myself more 💓

  6. chicflick1984

    As a mom I have whole year anxiety, so be grateful with the way you look and there is no such thing as ” the perfect body” self-love always you look great bye the way, I love the stripes.

  7. Invisibly Me

    Oh yes, I know summer clothes anxiety very well! I’ve never actually worn a bikini but I’m hoping to go on my first proper holiday (before I turn 29 this summer, eek!) this year and I’ll need to get one. I regret not having felt more confident before, because now this year I have a stoma and a bag, and that really adds to the anxiety and knocks my confidence. But you’re totally right; we should be proud of our bodies, regardless of how they look or the size, and I think you look fab! x

    1. Kali Borovic

      Ah please let me know how your holiday goes! As long as you feel comfortable, that’s all that matters. Remember that I’m always rooting for you and here if you want to chat about anxiety! xx.

  8. Linda

    Absolutely adored this post Kali 😍❤️
    You strong, amazing woman.
    You are beautiful and wonderful and everything in between. I definitely feel you on this. I rarely find myself in the swimsuit change room. But maybe you’ve inspired me to have a little look today. ☺️☺️

  9. ladyofthelake

    You look great. congrats on finding the right bathing suit. we all know the struggle and the mental beating you can take trying on clothes – let alone bathing suits. It looks awesome on you.

  10. stashy

    You’re not crazy. I hate summer too. I hate being hot and sweaty!
    This bathing is super cute – I like the back lace up detail.
    I like that you have non-scale goals. I threw my scale out ages ago and haven’t looked back. I like thinking about how to make my body stronger or have more endurance – those are good things to measure. You have a great attitude on this subject and I applaud you! 🙂

  11. TheFallibleQueen

    It makes perfect sense about not liking summer. My comfort zone are two pieces (like the 1950s bathing suits or tankinis). I like your bathing suit, you look great in it and I’m glad that you have embraced all of you, you are beautiful. This is one of the reasons why I don’t have a scale in my place, I’m primarily focused on being healthy and building muscle. You should do more posts like this, it’s inspiring.

    1. Kali Borovic

      Thank you so much! I’m glad you found a style that you like too, and congrats on throwing out the scale! I think I will start doing more personal posts. I was afraid to for a while, but I love having everyone get to know the real me. Thanks for the advice! xx.

  12. lifeofangela

    You look great!! I really like that swimsuit, especially the back of the bikini top, with all the criss cross things going on 😀
    I have summer anxiety normally too, I always dream about summer, but then it comes and it’s hot, and I sweat and then I want winter again XD

  13. caitpb

    You look amazing! I love Target’s swimming suit section. I have crazy stretch marks and loose skin from having a baby this past year and then losing 90+ pounds. I really really want to wear a bikini despite all of this because I just don’t love tankinis. I know I can do it around my family, but otherwise I am really self conscious!

  14. K.M. Sutton

    Love love LOVE this! You are so brave and courageous M’Dear. I adore summer. I love it and the sunshine and warmth and beach days make me so incredibly happy! BUTTTT like you, for years I have dreaded wearing the evil swimsuit and shorts. It has given me such anxiety each and every year and for the longest time I tried to hide. It has only been the last few years that I have gained the confidence to rock both a swimsuit and shorts. Like you each summer I wonder why I didn’t workout more or eat better and I will beat myself up. But the truth is we ALL go through this regardless of body type. We ALL have issues with our bodies. Instead of viewing them as flaws we need to start thinking of them as characteristics that make ourselves unique and stand out from the status quo. We all are unique and we need to embrace that uniqueness. It is definitely not easy, but slowly but surely.
    I applaud you so much for being so open about this. YOU ARE stunning and that suit looks amazing on you! Rock it proud this summer! ❤

    1. Kali Borovic

      Your comment made my heart smile so big! I’m glad you got over your summer anxiety, and you are SO right! We need to celebrate being different and look at our “flaws” as what they are — personality. You are so incredibly sweet, and thanks so much for the support! xx.

  15. outnaboutweb

    Thank you so much for this post! I know exactly what you feeel like. Every summer there is a certain bitter feeling too, because I know I’ll have to stand there in my bikini in front of everyone. But honestly this post is so great, it’s super important to be proud of what we have and not wanting to hide it! Thank you so much for this inspiring post, dear!
    love, elena

    https://outnaboutweb.wordpress.com

  16. Sophie B.

    I feel you! I gained about 40 pounds the last three years and this summer is the worst… nothing fits anymore but you know what?? No one cares and in the end our character is the thing we can rely on!
    And by the way, you rock this bikini and you look so great! As far as I can tell, you are a strong and happy girl and this is probably the special character trait people love!
    I send you so much love and strength from Germany :)!!
    Sophie

  17. Lee

    I must suffer from summer anxiety too! I’ve never been confident with my body and usually people feel like I have no right to be because I’m skinny then the other half say I don’t have enough meat on my body. I get rashes sometimes on my stomach from nickel in belts. And all the other things i dislike but. We are who we are and unless we want to spend a lot of money and change ourselves to Barbie we need to embrace the natural beauty we were blessed with. You look amazing!💜 Always good to have family and bf being encouraging also🙂

  18. Brittney Ross

    I wish I had seen this at the beginning of summer…I guess I was living under a rock! I’m so glad that you bought the swimsuit and shushed those thoughts right out of your mind. I can say that I’m still working on it…this summer hasn’t been great, but I’ve managed! Thank you for sharing this with us! xoxo

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